ROOOOAAARR! Blockbuster!

Let me just start off by saying, I used to be an Assistant Store Manager for Blockbuster many a moon ago and utterly hated everything about it.  With the exception of my awesome store manager (Esteban) and a few great friendships (you know who you are) I made while there, it was a horrible and ridiculous place to work.  I swear they would do things just to annoy their employees; and Esteban and I would get the brunt of it. 
However, I’m veering slightly off subject; I decided to shop at my neighborhood Blockbuster today, because they’ve performed “a Godzilla” on all their “mom and pop” competition and I have no choice.  Unless you live in a small town, Blockbuster has invaded like the aliens in Independence Day and won a victorious battle.  Now, I’m a member of Netflix, and have been for many years, but so many people that hate Blockbuster hold all the great independent films for ransom that “Very Long Wait” has been displaying since 2007; on most movies.  Now, this wouldn’t be a problem if Blockbuster would just carry these little films.  Instead, they carry a whole wall full of “Only at Blockbuster” titles that probably suck anyway!  I just wish some other video store would come along and kick Blockbuster in the slutty vagina.  Maybe if they spent more time trying to be a video store, instead of a 7-11 with DVD rentals, then they could bring in more interesting and engaging titles.  Blockbuster should just make their new slogan:  “We only rent movies to people that have no idea what the definition of culture is.”
Now, I can’t say that I don’t rent from Blockbuster (and I do rent some crap titles every now and then), but at least I don’t depend on them for delivering great entertainment; Netflix does a great job in that department…except for a few ransom titles, for mentioned earlier.
Also, speaking of Netflix, never (I mean NEVER) use Blockbuster Online for renting movies.  Blockbuster had this great idea to rip-off Netflix because Netflix was kicking their lame ass throughout the rental market.  Their un-original idea was to rip off the company that was stealing all their business and start an online rental of their own.  Their creation is a flashy and SLOW doppelganger to the great Netflix.  Oh; and you know how when you want to see a movie, Netflix suggests you put it at the top of your queue?  Blockbuster Online suggests the same strategy, except they play “wild card” with you.  It’s like putting fifty cents in a gumball machine, in hopes to get the flavor you want, but instead they give you the crappiest piece in the jar.  You can place your “most wanted” movie at the top of your queue, but don’t expect Blockbuster to send it to you.  Instead, they look at your queue and say, “Your movie is available, but we’ll just send you number 23 on the list.”  Yeah, that’s exactly why I ordered my queue that way, so you could send me a movie I didn’t want right away.  Also, why don’t you take your sweet time sending me my first selection after signing up?  I got a free two week trial and I would like to wait a week to get my first rental.  Oh, and don’t forget to take 3-4 days to send each rental, because convenience isn’t something I signed up for.  I don’t think that’s the type of service you want to be throwing your money at.  Go with Netfilx; at least their movies have a 2 day turn around and you get your movies the way they are ordered…unless some asshole wants to keep a DVD for weeks, while everyone else waits for him to take 90+ minutes out of his day to speed up the process.
In closing, I would like to personally send messages to both rental companies:

Blockbuster:  Please refer to the above and stop being a freaking lame ass piece of shit.  Just order a little less than 500 of one title and get some diversity to your DVD collection.  Also, stop with the online rentals; you guys really suck at it.  Oh!  Would it hurt to get some unrated versions of movies once in a while?  If an unrated version of a film exists, I don’t care who you are, you would rather see that than a theatrical version.  Just do it…and be nice about it.

Netflix:  You’re doing a good job; just keep it up.  Also, would it hurt to order a few more copies of movies?  How can there be so many people that want to see the movie 100 Tears, Aswang and Frankenhooker (look them up on imdb.com) that they have been a “Very Long Wait” for over a month (the last two more than a month)?  I don’t blame you, however; Blockbuster has screwed all the people that relied on “mom and pop” rental shops so they’ve come to you for salvation.  It just so happens, these same people have the exact taste for great cinema that I do.  Just stay strong…and plant a steroid-filled punch to the face of scared little Blockbuster.

MUNKA

My wife and I put one of our animals “down” two nights ago.  His name was Ray Charles, not because I’m a fan, but because he was blinded from an accident shortly after birth; this is when he came into our lives.  He was original.   
We were living in Coatesville, PA, just outside of downtown Coatesville and what was considered the ghetto.  Although, most people from nearby Downingtown, West Chester and Exton would consider where we lived to be close enough to the ghetto.  My wife and I loved where we lived.  To this day, the Hillside Apartments (in Coatesville) is our favorite place we have ever lived…and probably ever will.
Anyway, I digress; Sarah (my wife) worked for a very busy animal hospital in West Chester, PA where Ray came in for surgery.  After multiple surgeries, and being brought back to life numerous times on the operating table, Ray made his way on the road to recovery.  In the end, no one could or wanted to care for him, because they said he was too mean.  Which is somewhat true, because; he couldn’t meow, but could growl and hiss at every touch.  My wife suckered me into “fostering” Ray, because she knew I was a cat person and couldn’t say “no” to his little face.  Well, I didn’t say “no” and we ended up keeping him as one of our own.
He spent the beginning of his life behind the toilet in our bathroom.  He liked the bathroom, because he felt confined.  Since he was blind, I think the one room was easy for him to memorize, so he would stay hidden away.  Also, we have two cats already and one of them thought it was fun to beat him up on a regular basis.
After being viciously clawed and smacked many times by the “blind warrior” he began to warm up to us…well, Sarah before me.  He made his way from the bathroom a few times, especially when we were cooking food or opening food containers, but it didn’t last long due to the other stalking animals in the house.  I began calling him the “kitty Daredevil” because all of his other senses were heightened due to the lack of sight.  He could smell tuna through closed doors and halfway across the house. He may have just been food obsessed.
After almost a year, we move from Pennsylvania back to Florida and take the family with us.  Ray just moved from one bathroom to another, so he was fine with the new surroundings whenever we moved.  After almost 3 years, Ray begins to start having seizures.  At first we didn’t know what to do, so we took him into the Vet.  The doctor’s first reaction was to tell us that he would not make it through too many seizures, so we may want to consider putting him down.  With everything he had been through, we decided against that alternative.  Instead we decided to put him on medication; kind of like kitty Xanex.  Even though the doctor said he would last past 4 or five seizures we ended up giving him an extra year with the medication.
So, in short, a cat that wasn’t supposed to make it through surgery and that wasn’t supposed to live through seizures came through with a vengeance.  Ray “Munka” Charles-Hunter had 4 good years and was one of the best animals we’ve had in our lives.  He will be missed; more than he will ever know.

4-15-2009

Synecdoche, New York

A theater director (Philip Seymour Hoffman) struggles with his work, and the women in his life, as he attempts to create a life-size replica of New York inside a warehouse as part of his new play. – synopsis taken from imdb.com
Okay, let me start by saying, I love Charlie Kaufman; with the exception of a few movies and TV Shows.  I mean, how can you not love someone that started off his screenwriting career with the Chris Elliott comedy series, “Get a Life” (for those that do not know about this show, check it out; it’s pure hilarity).  Let’s not forget movies like, “Adaptation” (another one of my all time favorites) and “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind”.
Synecdoche, New York is Charile Kaufman’s directorial debut; and what a freaking awesome first attempt!  I loved this movie from start to finish.  I would even go as far as saying, “this is definitely one of the best movies I have ever seen…and that’s a pretty bold statement, coming from someone that has seen almost everything (worth seeing).  The characters, just like the characters in every Charlie Kaufman script, are so well developed and interesting.
There are certain movies with one or two memorable scenes that just stand out from the rest of the movie; causing your mind to think about them everytime the movie is brought up.  This movie has more than one or two memorable scenes, and is peppered with a moving script that doesn’t once drag or slow.  If you miss 10-20 seconds of this movie, you are missing a lot; it’s more than I can say for most films.  I believe, even if you were not a fan of “Being John Malkovich”, “Adaptation” or “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind”, you will be a fan of Synecdoche, New York.

03-12-2009

Let the Right One In (Lat den ratte komma in)

It’s been an extremely long time since I’ve seen a Vampire movie worth sitting through.  Especially since 30 Days of Night should have stayed a graphic novel and everyone with a digital camera has decided to try their hands at a Vampire fable.  Even though this was based on a book, by author John Ajvide Lindqvist, it still was a breath of fresh air to see a great Vampire horror.
Oskar is a loner, and bullied constantly at school.  He ends up finding someone to confide in with Eli; a mysterious 12 year old Vampire girl.
That is pretty much the whole plot, but it is so well executed.  The actors that play Oskar and Eli, are some amazing talent and are easy to see playing the two main characters.  Most of the story takes place in snow laden settings, which adds to the plot tremendously.  This is not your typical horror film; it has more substance of an awkward love story than anything.  You’re, also, not going to get a lot of gore (complete with spurting neck wounds), but there is quite a bit of blood and violence.  There was so much to like about this picture; the script (adapted by the author), the cinematography and direction, acting, effects, it was all there in spades.  There is already an American remake in the works/talks with the Cloverfield director rumored.  However, I think the director of the original, Tomas Alfredson, will be coming to America very soon.

03-05-2009

JCVD

Let me start by saying, I was never really a Jean Claude Van Damme fan, because I didn’t think he could act very well.  I remember Cyborg being badass, but the rest of his movies just got lost in the shuffle for me.  Now, let me continue by saying, I truly liked Jean Claude Van Damme in this movie.  When given the right director and script, JCVD (which he will be referred to for the remainder of this review) can really act.  It also helps that there is close to zero action, so JCVD is forced to rely on his acting classes as opposed to his karate sessions.
Directed by Mabrouk El Mechri; the story follows JCVD after losing a custody battle in the U.S. and his career, which is pretty close to reality, considering he went through the exact same scenario in real life.  The film changed it from a boy to a girl for legal reasons, but the custody battle is extremely true.  He returns home to Brussels to revamp his career and get a shiny new start, but is entangled in a random “bank” heist.
This was a very captivating film, with amazing direction and cinematography.  As said before, JCVD steals the show and becomes a very heartfelt character; standing out amongst everyone else.  There are many great scenes in this film; especially, the 5+ minute, JCVD “confessional” toward the end of the film.  Not to mention the opening credit sequence, shot in one very long take.  Now, I don’t feel that he (or the film) should win any Oscars, but I will say it made me actually take him seriously as an actor…and the film was one engaging and wonderfully shot piece of celluloid.  I think it helps that it closely mirrors his own life, and was shot in his native country and language…Similar to Mickey Rourke in the Wrestler; however, this movie is closer to JCVD’s life than the Wrestler to Rourke’s, so…

Anyway, this isn’t your typical Van Damme film, so don’t expect breaking bones and kicking ass…think more on the lines of Dog Day Afternoon...except JCVD isn't gay. Even if you're shaky on renting a JCVD movie, and having everyone look at you funny, definately don't miss this one.

Fermat’s Room (La Habitacion de Fermat)

For some reason, I kept thinking of the movie “Cube” while watching this picture.  It has that same “basic” plot and follows strangers, stuck in a room together…trying to solve a puzzle.  Except this movie stands out, because of its unique take on the genre.
Written and directed by directing team, Luis Piedrahita and Rodrigo Sopena; this thriller follows four strangers (mathematicians to be exact) forced to work together, in a strange room, housed in an abandon warehouse.  The room seems to be shrinking, so they must answer random enigma’s in order to slow the process and figure out their connection to whomever is trying to kill them.
Normally, I would not find a movie about four mathematicians, trying to solve ridiculous enigma’s that interesting.  However, the director’s make it interesting by going many steps further; the shrinking room, the mysterious host, the mystery of a connection, many things make this a movie that stands out amongst similar films in the same genre.

01-26-2009

El Rey de la Montana (King of the Hill)

Written and Directed by Gonzalo Lopez Gallego; this thriller follows Quim (Leonardo Sbaraglia) as he drives out into the isolated wilderness to meet up with his ex-girlfriend.  After some random events, he takes a wrong turn and is lost on a secluded road.  While on the road, a series of gunshots and incidents lead him to Bea (Maria Valverde) who is lost and in the same predicament as Quim. 
This movie has some great first person camera techniques, from the gunman’s perspective; that were first seen in the film adaptation of the video game Doom, but looked so much better in this film…for some reason.  It has some great tension for your typical “survival” horror/thriller and the acting was very well played by the two leads.  However, the ending had me thinking, “is foreign horror adopting a bizarre trend with their fear factor?”  I’ve seen many other movies recently that have had this same idea, but just placed it into different plots and themes.  I don’t want to say too much, fearing I may give something away, but this is definitely a good watch for people that love a good thriller.  I’m beginning to think that the U.S. film market needs to take a few lessons from foreign filmmakers, when it comes to innovative horror/thrillers.  Maybe one day Hollywood will take the hint, especially since we gave every Oscar to Europe last year.

American Teen

Nanette Burstein (“On the Ropes” and “the Kid Stays in the Picture”) directs this documentary about High School teens in a small Indiana town.
I thought this was an amazing documentary; and the characters the director chose to study were probably the best she could find.  Especially, Hannah Baily, playing the “artsy” outsider and one of the main focuses of the picture.  I’m not a huge documentary fan, unless it’s extremely captivating (ie. Paradise Lost, Dark Days…), but American Teen delivers with a compelling look at High School in a small town.

Eden Lake

James Watkins (writer of “My Little Eye”) writes and directs this film about a young couple; Jenny (Kelly Reilly) and Steve (Michael Fassbender), who take a romantic getaway in the middle of nowhere, only to be harassed by local teens.  When the couple confronts the youths about being disrespectful and rude, their weekend takes a horrible turn for the worst.
This was probably one of the best horror/thrillers I’ve seen in a while.  The acting was great, the writing and direction was superb and the suspense was built up rather nicely.  This is one those movies where you want to see justice come swiftly and with a stench of extreme violence.  Most people, however, will be harsh judges when it comes to this movie; they will either, love it or hate it.  The ending (which in my opinion, was the best choice for a movie of this nature) is going to divide people’s tastes for their love or hate relationship.

Hamlet 2

The Story follows Dana Marschz (Steve Coogan), a failed actor turned drama teacher, trying to bring together a group of unruly students to pull off a non-PC sequel to Shakespeare’s Hamlet. 
This is one of those movies you either get or don’t.  The humor is hidden behind a dark comedy façade, but I thought it was hilarious.  I didn’t know too much about Steve Coogan before watching this film (even though he’s been acting since 1983), but I realized from viewing his performance; how similar he is to a young Gene Wilder.  He’s probably most recognizable to a wide audience from his role in “Tropic Thunder”, but I’ve noticed him in many films before; never really paying too much attention.
Overall, this movie is very funny and has an interesting character performed by Elizabeth Shue (playing herself).  Pay attention to the subtle, but effective comedy in this missed DVD gem and you’ll enjoy it as much as I did.

My Bloody Valentine – Uncut version (1981)

I first watched this movie nearly 16 years ago, didn’t remember it too much, but recalled enjoying it.  When I found out they were remaking it, over a year ago, I started looking for a copy; just to refresh my memory.  For some reason it didn’t exist on my trusty Netflix site, but I found it on ebay and Amazon.  While I was searching for the best price, I discovered they were re-issuing the DVD in January of 2009 fully uncut.  Now, I had heard about there being many cuts from the film (mainly special effects), but heard that it would never be released like this, because of issues with Paramount….which is a closely familiar story with the Friday the 13th uncut print…damn you Paramount!
Anyway, Paramount finally released the DVD (and are doing the same thing with Friday the 13th next month…money whores) and I picked up a copy.
I won’t really go into the story, because most people already know the drill.  For those who don’t, go here:  http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0082782/
Let me just start by saying, the acting is horrible and always has been, but I didn’t really notice it until now.  However, the inserted cut scenes made up for the acting in spades!  This is definitely the way you want to see the original “My Bloody Valentine”!  I, also realized how good this movie actually is…for a slasher pic.  Very inventive death scenes (made even better with the uncut version) and production and set design that ranks up there with some of the best slasher and horror films.
This is a definite movie for slasher fans, especially fans of films from the late 70’s, early 80’s.  It has your typical slasher formula and executes it well… with a very bizarre ending that I didn’t really remember; when I first watched it in the early 90’s.

Tokyo Gore Police

Set in a future-world vision of Tokyo where the police have been privatized and bitter self-mutilation is so casual that advertising is often specially geared to the "cutter" demographic, this is the story of samurai-sword-wielding Ruka and her mission to avenge her father's assassination. Ruka is a cop from a squad who's mission is to destroy homicidal mutant humans known as "engineers" possessing the ability to transform any injury to a weapon in and of itself -- taken from imdb.com

This movie was produced by the same people that did Machine Girl and is basically the same type of movie; heavy on gore and effects, thin on acting and story. I personally love this movie because it's just a fun gore fest. I thought the storyline of the "engineers" was an interesting idea, because you were always looking to see what each of their special weapons were going to be. It had a strange feel of "Meatball Machine" and "Story of Ricky" to me...for some reason. So, if you want blood and gore; look no further. If you're looking for an innovative Asian horror/sci-fi, look to the Pang Brothers.

Sukiyaki Western Django

****This is going to be a long one****
Takashi Miike (Audition, Fudoh: the Next Generation, One Missed Call, Happiness of the Katikuri’s) offers up this Japanese spaghetti western (yeah, you heard it right) about a lone gunman (Hideaki Ito) that strolls into a town where two rival gangs who are after the same treasure.  Realizing the treasure could benefit either gang, the gunman offers himself up to the highest bidder.
I think this is the plot for about one hundred other films, but it is said to be based on Django (1966) written and directed by Sergio Corbucci.  There are actually direct scenes and references to Django throughout this particular film.  You could also say that Last Man Standing, Fistful of Dollars, Yojimbo and El Topo were influences on this film.
Many critics don’t agree, but I thought this movie was a great attempt at twisting a genre film into something completely different.  The mere fact that they used Japanese actors (and Quentin Tarantino), in a spaghetti western set in Nevada, was interesting enough.
*Quick Side Note*  If you’re not aware of what a spaghetti western is; it’s a term used to describe the wave of Italian Western films in the 60’s and 70’s.  It got its title, because in Europe they had Italian Studios co-produced by Spanish film partners.  Typically, it was an Italian Director (like Sergio Leone and Sergio Corbucci; even gore and horror director’s Lucio Fulci, Joe D’ Amato and Umberto Lenzi, jumped onto the Italio-Western bandwagon), Italian and Spanish actors, Spanish technical staff and a rising Star (like Clint Eastwood, who starred in many Sergio Leone films).
Anyway, I totally digress, back to the actual review.  One of the most amusing things about the script was the Japanese actors speaking English.  Most of them had never done an English film or could even speak it, so it made for an interesting watch at times.  Especially when they’re using western movie slang and accents.  I thought Takashi Miike opened up a new door with his portrayal of a spaghetti western.  At times I got caught up in the action, but then at times, I was caught off guard by the surreal attitude of the characters.  Quentin Tarantino threw me off completely, with his horrible way of…I guess…acting?  *quick note* Don’t get me wrong, I love his directing and he has done some awesome things for modern day cinema, but your role in “Destiny Turns on the Radio” isn’t going to get you any awards…sorry, Quentin.
Overall, I believe this film is totally recommended to Takashi Miike fans and everyone else, tread with caution.  I loved it, but if you’ve never seen a Takashi Miike film…watch One Missed Call, Audition and then Fudoh: the Next Generation, and then watch this film.

Red ( 2008)

Let me start by saying, I read this book a little over two years ago and wanted to do an adaptation myself...But, the author would had laughed at a first time writer/director.  The book is extremely well written and is one of the few books that I got choked up over.
With that said, on with the review:  Red follows a man by the name of, Avery Ludlow (played perfectly by Brian Cox).  While fishing one morning, with his dog Red, three teens attempt to rob him.  When he doesn’t have anything for the taking, they shoot his dog for no apparent reason, and walk away laughing.  Ludlow sets out for redemption, for his only friend, by any means possible.
This is one of the best novel to screen adaptations I have ever witnessed.  The parts that I wanted to skip in the book, they skipped on screen and for good reason.  This is one of the few movies I could say that would be better to watch the movie than read the book; although the book is an amazing read, as well.  The way Brian Cox commands the character of Avery Ludlow was exactly how I pictured it in the book and was probably one of his best roles.  Even the supporting characters in this movie are really well played, especially the teens and their crazy father (played by Tom Sizemore).  There are a few things that were left out of the book that would have added to the confrontation of Tom Sizemore’s character and Brian Cox’ character, but it would have added an unwanted sub-plot. 
Overall, this is an amazing movie, true to the book and well worth the hour and a half.  I recommend reading the book if you like the movie…or any book by Jack Ketchum, for that matter.
Little side note:  This film was in production for quite sometime and was almost not even made, because of the firing of the first director (Lucky McKee, director of May and the Woods).  A Swedish director was eventually brought on to finish the film.

Machine Girl (aka. Kataude mashin garu)

There are some movies that come along that I eagerly await with drool spilling out of my dropped jaw…Machine Girl is one of these movies.  When I first heard rumblings about this film, at the end of last year, I was hooked; waiting for a possible trailer release or anything to entice me further.  I mean, come on, when you push the movie as being similar to a female version of Robocop, but ten times more bloody…you pretty much have me at “hello”. 
Machine Girl is helmed by director, Noboru Iguchi; who has directed a handful of movies in Japan, but wasn’t known here (in the states) until this picture.  The story follows Ami (Minase Yashiro) who takes care of her younger brother because her father committed suicide for being accused of murder.  Unbeknownst to her, Ami’s brother has accrued quite a debt from an older boy at school; who happens to be the son of a Yakuza leader.  The brother doesn’t pay, so he is attacked by the older boy and his gang of ridiculous kids.  Ami tries to defend her brother, but gets taken hostage by the Yakuza clan.  They torture her and end up chopping off her arm…in an extremely bloody scene.  Shortly after, Ami escapes and is taken in by the husband/wife duo that own a car repair shop.  They nurse Ami back to health and even give her a kick ass, tank-destroying (if that’s even a word) machine gun for an arm.  So, she sets out for revenge…
Okay, this movie was made purely for entertainment value…and that’s exactly what you’re going to get.  There is no complicated storyline, the acting is decent and some of the CGI effects are done on a small budget.  However, with that said, this is a very bloody and gory film that is a very fun watch.  At times it seems like it is almost a parody of its own genre, but that doesn’t kill the straight forward way the actors deliver their performances.  Anyway, I recommend this film to anyone that is tired of being promised gore and being let down…don’t worry, this film shoves it in your face.  If you’re not into blood and gore (ie. Braindead aka. Dead Alive, Evil Dead 2, Army of Darkness or any other film that delivers gore in an overly comical way) skip this and rent something else.  If you’re a true horror/sci-fi gore hound pick this DVD up immediately.